Editor’s note: The recent discovery of the mystery money in Ikoyi Lagos totaling N13billion by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission has sparked outrage among Nigerians. A new twist was, however added to the unfolding drama when Governor Wike and the Nigeria Intelligence Agency both lay claim to the money.
NAIJ.com editor-in-chief, Bayo Olupohunda, in this sarcastic piece also claims the recovered loot belongs to him, asking the EFCC to return his money.
Dear Nigerians, since the massive and shocking discovery of the ‘goose pimples inducing’ crisp dollar notes, some Nigerians have been engaging in media ‘roforofo’ fight (apologies to Fela) to claim the money either for themselves or demand that it is returned to so-called state coffers as they claim the money was stolen from the treasury! Chai! What people do for money?
Fellow Nigerians, the unending claims and counter-claims for the money may have just begun as I have officially joined governor Wike and the Nigerian Intelligence Agency to stake a claim to what rightfully belongs to me. Abeg who no like money?
Yes, you heard me right.
I hereby disclose to Nigerians and to the whole world that the Ikoyi apartment loot belongs to me. So I am giving the EFCC seven days ultimatum to return my money or face legal action – I am putting Oga Mike Ozekhome on notice. Yes, again you heard me right. This high profile lawyer seems to have the legal 'grace' to defeat the EFCC, so I am engaging his expertise.
Let me also send a warning to the tough talking governor Wike. Forget the money sir; you cannot use Ikwerre sense to obtain my sweat. And to the NIA, please do not use what the Yoruba people call ‘ogboju’ (strong arm tactics) to deprive me of my hard earned money.
I worked hard to get the Benjamins. Let no one ask me how I got the money or I will invoke Amadioha. Why probe me when you cannot ask the thieving politicians how they become rich overnight?
I insist the money is mine. Why would they break into a private flat of a ‘law abiding citizen’ and forcefully take the money he worked so hard to get? Is it a crime to keep money at home? What effrontery? Governor Nyesom Wike and NIA please back off.
But now talking seriously and sarcasm apart, let's ask the contenders some questions as this matter continues to dominate public discourse. Why is it convenient to claim the money now that it has been discovered? Why did governor Wike in particular not find out during the probe of former governor Amaechi's tenure that such a humongous amount of money was missing from the state’s treasury?
Is it possible for such money to have disappeared from Rivers state purse without someone not sounding the alarm bell? What are we even talking about? The entire money uncovered in the Ikoyi flat is put at N13billion according to the current Central Bank of Nigeria exchange rate. That is a lot of money to have disappeared.
But I can understand why politicians are queuing up to claim the money. The allure of dollars is just too hard to resist, isn’t it? Naturally, our politicians love money and one is not surprised at the sudden turn of event.
Perhaps the most surprising claim for the loot is the one by the Nigeria’s Intelligence Agency. Does it not surprise Nigerians that as soon as the money was uncovered, the Nigeria secret service quickly told us that the it was approved to the agency by the former president Jonathan for a covert operation?
Now if we may ask what covert operation did the former president approve that has not been carried out two years after he left office? Why should money meant for official purpose be found in a private apartment?
Now the bubble has burst as even the Central Bank of Nigeria has denied that it ever issued such fund to the agency.
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